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LETTER TO ANIEMA: SHOULD I LEAVE HIM OR CONTINUE TO ENDURE THE ABUSE FOR MY CHILDREN’s SAKE?

Dear Aniema,
Please tell me what to do because i have reached my limit, i just can’t bear it anymore. I need to do something before my husband kills me for my aged parents and leave my children without a mother. My name is Mrs Celestina Andrew (not real names), i have been married for the past ten years and i have three lovely children to show for it. I met my husband in one of these new generation banks where i used to work before as a cashier, he was one of our regular customer where he usually comes to carry out his transaction and i get to attend to him often. One day, he gave me his business card and asked me to call him; i kept the card in my wallet and forgot to call him not until after three weeks when he showed up again in my bank and asked what happened to my phone. I apologized and promised to call him at the close of work which i did. We later met up, dated for a year and six months before we got married. The first time i saw Andrew angry, i mean really angry, i was shocked. Three months after our marriage, i returned home from work by 9pm coupled with the traffic in the island to Festac and i was trying to prepare dinner for us before he returns from the office. I just finished preparing the stew and was about to boil rice when he got home, i greeted him with a smile, sweating from the heat in the kitchen still on my office wears. He didn’t respond but brushed past me to the dinning, when he saw that i have not set the dinning he fummed with anger ”Tina, what happened, won’t i have food in my house today after a hard day work?” he asked angrily.

 

I was surprised at his tone of voice but i ignored it and tried to explain that it wasn’t long i just returned and has prepared stew and before i could finish, he came forward and dragged me to the sitting room pointing at the wall clock, ‘do you mean to tell me that at 10:55pm my dinner is not yet ready, did i marry you to come and starve me in my house when i have enough food at home?’ ‘If it’s because of that your work, then you better call them tomorrow and tell them that you have resigned and no longer interested in the job, do you hear me? I couldn’t believe it, what has gotten into him and why is he taking out his anger on me?
‘But darling, it hasn’t gotten to that na, it was the traffic and before i could finish my sentence i had a loud slap across my face that sent hot tears spilling down my eyes. I was shocked and wasn’t expecting it, ‘darling, you slapped me? i asked in unbelieve. ‘I will slap you again and again, if you keep arguing with me, you are no longer going to that job again and that’s final, he said angrily and stomped out of the room. Well, that was how i stopped working, just to let peace reign. I couldn’t tell anyone because it was just too early to start complaining about your marriage to family members. Two years later, a similar event happened, It was after the birth of our first child. I bought the materials we would both wear for the naming ceremony and when he came back he complained about the texture of the material saying it was inferior at the price i bought it and that he’s not going to wear it. I tried to explain that it was a sample and was of high quality, he got angry and asked if i was the one that produced it or if am going to force it on him. I put the sleeping baby in his cot and left the room but that was my mistake. He came after me and dragged my hair from behind, i struggled to free myself but i got the beating of my life just because i wanted to free myself. I had bruises on my lips and a dark eye, which i tried to conceal with makeup, after the ceremony he begged me to forgive him that it won’t happen again. As time goes on, Andrew, always found occasion to beat me and he will always come back to apologize.

 

Eight years into our marriage, i have three children, and have fractured my arms and legs on three occassions, and i can’t count how many black eyes or swollen lips i have worn bravely not minding the gossip going on behind me, i can’t even attend functions again because i wasn’t a happy woman and i was putting up a happy face for public appearance and for my kids sake. All these i had to endure in silence without telling anyone not until when my friend came one day and met me in a pool of blood. Andrew has just finished beating me to the extent that i lost my pregnancy and had left me in pains not knowing the amount of damage he has done to me. Esther came just in time, thank God the children were not yet back from my sister’s place where they went for their mid-term break. Esther, it was that cleaned me up and took me to the hospital, i couldn’t hide it anymore I had to tell someone before Andrew kills me. Esther wanted to report the matter to the police but i begged her not to, but she made sure she informed the doctor who is a family friend to talk to him, as she was going to report to my family. I tried to stop her but i couldn’t, so my family got to know of his constant abuse on my person. He was summoned by my family and was made to understand that if there’s anymore complain i would be asked to return back home rather than be killed in the marriage, he begged and promised never to lay his hands on me again that he loves me and his children very much and don’t want to lose us. He came back to his normal self and we became the happy loving family again but after six months the devil crept in again. I have been adviced to leave him but i still love him and the kids are so much attached to their father and where will i go with three children, where will i start from. These are the thoughts that always kept me bound to him as i keep enduring the abuse, all for my children sake, my parents are still happily married and living together after forty years of marriage, so why can’t i be happy with my husband in my home so i made every effort to make him happy and not do anything to trigger his anger as much as i could.

Two weeks to our tenth wedding anniversary. I and the kids, decorated the house and were preparing a surprise for their dad on our anniversary, i was pregnant again and wanted to tell him on our special day. He came back early from the office and took i and the kids out to the cinema a day before our anniversay and then to the eatery in celebration of a business deal he just sealed we had a great time and i was happy. The following day, i and the kids got everything ready, then i called him to come home, he promised to come as soon as he finished from a business meeting. I waited and waited till 9pm and the children had to go to bed without seeing him. He came back past ten and then i was already asleep, he woke me up and apologized for being late, which i didn’t respond to. I stood up to go mircowave his food which was already cooled on the dinning table and he grabbed my hands which i pulled away from him, excusing myself. But he thought i was walking out on him in anger, ‘Is that how you were thought at home, how many times have i told you never to walk out on me whenever am talking to you, i didn’t want any argument so i ignored him but he wasn’t done, he slapped me and started hitting me, pulled his belt and whipped me merciliessly with it. It was my screams that woke the children up, they ran to our room and begged their dad to stop beating me by this time i was feeling weak and bleeding all over. I woke up two days later in the hospital, a drip flowing into me, the nineth one i learnt and my kids sitting at my bedside with tears in their eyes, fear written all over their face. I had suffered a fractured bone and had also lost my baby. I know this is the end, my children had witnessed what i have never witnessed in my home as a kid. I fear returning back home to my husband, what do i do, should i report him to the police, please help me. I never bargained for this in my marriage.

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6 Responses to “LETTER TO ANIEMA: SHOULD I LEAVE HIM OR CONTINUE TO ENDURE THE ABUSE FOR MY CHILDREN’s SAKE?”

  1. The things we endure every day to build a home, i wish you the best dear

  2. U er a gud mother and u ave done well nw report to the police and let them findout

  3. Pls, you need to keep ur self somewhere first, you now pray to God to help u. God be with you

  4. Wait till he kills you, my friend use your head

  5. Please, we have heard from you, but I think you have a little problem. If you can write to me I will tell you what to do. Thanks.

  6. Forgive

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