Dear Ann,

My name is Sonia, am in my late thirties and used to be a very pretty girl and a toast among my friends. I would say God really took time to create me, right from my childhood i was treated like a princess and made to act as one. My parents showered me with much love and affection, i was the only girl child in a family of five boys, even my brothers were not left out in this shower of love and as we grew up they showed me off to their friends as the most beautiful girl in our neighbourhood. I had a high self esteem of myself right from childhood and i carried myself with pride even after my university days i could stand up to anyone, i won the most beautiful girl on campus two consecutive times before i call it quit and faced my studies squarely.

In all these praise and funfair, i remained my usual friendly self, that is down to earth and respectful to everybody no matter the person involved, so i wasn’t surprised when i had everyone wants to be my friend. After my degree program here in Nigeria, my parents sent me to London for my masters. It was there in London that i met Mike for the first time, i was coming back from the library when someone bumped into me forcefully sending me staggering for balance and my books flying all over the place. I was furious with anger and i looked up to spit fire but i was tongue tied when i beheld the fellow. He was one of the most handsome man i have ever laid eyes on and has a build of a sportman. We both bent down at the same instant to pick up my papers and had our heads knocked, we stood up laughing and a bit embarrassed. That was how i met my husband, Richard. We started dating and we complemmented each other.

At first i got to notice that Richy was the jealous type and didn’t like me being too friendly with the guys, i thought he was just feeling insecure about my love. After my program i came back to Nigeria and six months later Richy came back, he had to stay back to put somethings in order for his mother who owns a big Nigerian resturant over there. During my stay there i met his family members and they took after me immediately. We communicated everyday until his return to Nigeria before we finally got married. I later got a lucrative job in one of these multinational oil companies in port-harcourt. I relocated to port and settled down to make it my home. Richy came back and through his parents connection he got a job within a short time in port too and shortly afterward we got married.

Richly was annoyingly jealous and easily paranoid, i was so embarrassed when we went for a function and my old coursemate in my university days in Nigeria saw me and was hugging me when Richy pulled him away from me and punched him in the face, gosh, i was so embarrassed and disappointed. Two years into our marriage am beginning to think i made a mistake in marrying Richy, his level of jealousy is unbearable and if i get to query his attitude i end up being beaten to pulp. The first time Richy beat me, i dazed with shock. We were watching a musical video on weekend and they were showing Usher Raymond video, this way one artiste i have always loved and drooled about right from my secondary school days and nobody told me that if am married i should do away with my childhood fantasy. I laid on the couch in the sitting room with my head on Richy laps and i blurted out jokingly, ‘Richy love, you know you have a wonderful build but hmmmm my Usher got it better and hotter’ smiling..

And the slap i received was like a flashlight blow to my face. Gosh, i couldn’t believe it, ‘Richy what was that for, i asked startled at his reaction. ‘How dare you fantasize over another man rather than me, don’t you know that’s adultery? He asked angrily. ‘But Richy, does that warrant you to slap me over an inanimate creature? i asked defencively. ‘Tell me sincerely, if you happen to meet him in person, what would you do? He asked smiling knowingly. ‘I will walk up to him and say hi, am a great fa …., then was swallowed up with another resounding slap. I was aghast with shock what did i get myself into? That day marked the beginning of my beating spree from my husband. He dares not see me gisting or hugging a male friend and every contact in my phone is well scrutinized.

After the close of each day work i fear going home and i am always more than happy when am to travel anywhere to represent our company in any meeting, seminar or functions out of town. It got to a point that Richy couldn’t take it anymore and asked me to change my department or resign. I wasn’t happy when i changed my department and no traveling was involved in my portfolio in my new department. I went home to see my family one Christmas holiday and the whole family was there, my brothers and their wives and kids, it was fun. My mum, called me into her room one day before the end of the holiday and asked what was happening that i had not yet conceived. I wasn’t surprised and i saw it coming and was prepared with a response, how could i tell my mum that i had suffered two miscarriage due to the beatings i received from my husband on different occasions.

During this year Easter period, my elder brother with his friend who had become more like a part of the family since childhood came visiting. Fred has been out of the country like three years before my marriage, so i was thrilled when i saw him again. He came back and wanted to see me and my brother brought him over. We hugged, chatted, laughed, cried and had a great time until Richy came back from his outing and funny enough he hadn’t met Fred before even though he has heard alot about him. Richy made sure he didn’t allow the two of us stay together and sit close to each other. Fred jokingly told him to chill that he wasn’t going to snatch me from him and that he would have done that long ago if i had said yes to him. Richy didn’t find it funny and told him so, in the night i paid for the consequence of that statement by Fred from my husband. I cried softly as he slapped me repeatedly as he made love to me roughly. I tried to cover to cover up my brusies as much as i could but nothing could pass the dectective eyes of my brother unnoticed especially when it got to do with me.

I practically cried and begged my brother to let it go that it was a mistake and also not to tell fred. i had to do all i could to make the environment friendly for the two days they spent with us until they left. I have been putting up with his assault for three years now and just two weeks ago, i lost another pregnancy and spent three weeks in the hospital. I have lost my self esteem, my pride, my confidence and my unborn babies in this marriage and i have decided to put an end to it. I love my husband but i love my life and want to stay alive and be happy again. I don’t want to end up dead one day just because i love him and want to stay married. When i told him that i wanted a divorce he cried and begged me not to leave him that he will change, that he can’t leave without me in his life and that he can’t stand me being with another man. What will i do?


  1. My blood brother rest in perfect peace

  2. If he is doing it to you b4, what makes u think he won’t continue?? There’s nting like love pls run 4 ur life.

  3. My dear, the early the better for u, in fact u have taken more than I can even bear myself, in this life there’s no duplicate,. You have lost three pregnancy already, you don’t even have anything to hold u back.. the guy himself is an animal.. is high time you tell your family about it or you end up being disfigured by so called rubbish love. To me the love died the day he lay his finger on u. Wise up girl..

  4. If this is true, then he has a mental problem

  5. My dear, what are you still waiting for?

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