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‘Ofeke’ – By Okechukwu Nwafor

It was reported that the Vice President Osibanjo woos Yoruba voters by promising them Presidency in 2023. If this is true then Osibanjo should be advised to relinquish his professorship and hand over his hood to NBA. A word for the Yoruba: it is only a mad animal that will accept the lion as an in-law. Another word: in a land where children catapult the vulture, then know that there is no sensible elder in that land. These are Igbo proverbs. Yet another Igbo proverb says: ‘ofeke’ doesn’t understand that the sound of ‘yom’ means ‘run for dear life’.

A similar popular Nigerian slogan will tell you that the best answer to the sight of a Nigerian Police is ‘voom,’ or disappear, no explanation. In Igboland proverbs are said to confuse ‘ofeke’. In Igbo language ‘ofeke’ means a useless drunk in the village. Please NdIgbo correct me if I am mistaken. If you are not an ofeke you will understand the meanings of the above proverbs.

What better way to describe the statement by the VP other than a desperate move? I have not said that the VP is an ofeke, before some people will turn me to Mbaka. However, I must say that the Igbos are not worried about similar statement by Joe Igbokwe who also woos the Igbo with similar promise of Igbo presidency in 2023 if they vote Buhari. This is because the Igbos know that Joe Igbokwe is an ‘ofeke.’ So they are not worried about him. But for a professor and a barrister at law, to ventilate similar smelly shit might, of course, be read by some persons as an act of ‘ofeke.’ I am using small letter to start the name of ofeke because ofeke does not deserve a capital letter.

Many ofekes abound in the system this time around. The problem with ofeke is that no matter how you bribe him to keep a secret, he will vomit the secret as soon as the spirit leaves the bottle for his head. And he will vomit the secret in the village square where the humiliation will sound like ‘ogene’ (metal gong). Ofekes are those campaigners moving around, brandishing white-elephant projects on the pages of Facebook, Social Media and elsewhere claiming that the projects are either completed or nearing completion. Ofeke is incorrigible and contumacious. He is also very stubborn. That is why it is useless to engage Ofeke in any verbal argument. It is a waste of time. If you don’t have an ofeke as a Facebook friend then you are not in Facebook. Sometimes you don’t know what to do with them. They are like tsetse fly that perched on the scrotum.

The Igbos say ‘akoro omalu omalu, akoro ofeke ofenye isi na ofia,’ translates as ‘if you explain to Omalu, Omalu will understand but if you explain to Ofeke, Ofeke will jump into the bush. I laugh while I translate this proverb because I am not sure how it sounds. Again ofeke is a family stigma and a public opprobrium. He knows no shame. Neither can he differentiate between public contempt and honour. In certain instances ofeke stands as an object of public humour and derision. That is, if you want to be amused you look for an ofeke. If you watch the video of Mr Spell, that is close to ofeke. Although some individuals have transformed the ofeke in Mr Spell to an asset. Please click Youtube and watch Mr Spell if you have not done so.

My people the influenza we are suffering today is spread into our system by ofeke. We are not just reeling from the excruciating pains of an economic wound but also nursing the mental pain inflicted by our ofekes. If you know how Mr Spell repeats the same letters for every word he is asked to spell, then you understand how these ofekes repeat and mutter the same jargon whenever 2019 election is mentioned. The way Mr Spell fails every word he is asked to spell, that is the way ofeke fails every achievement of the administration he attempts to pronounce. The worse dimension of ofekes’ pitiable fate is that they do not know that they mock the administration they struggle to spell out their achievements, just as Mr Spell mocks every word he is asked to spell.

So in effect, if you ask an ofeke to spell out the achievements of this administration he will sound like this: ‘Second Niger bridge, Enugu-Onitsha rail, Aba-Abuja rail, Second Niger Bridge, Enugu-Onitsha rail, Aba-Abuja rail, Second Niger Bridge, Enugu-Onitsha rail, Aba-Abuja rail, Second Niger Bridge….Doesn’t it sound like asking Mr Spell to spell Osibanjo and he will go: “ai, ae, ai, ae, ai, ae, ai, ae, aa, pp, oo, rikom, (comma), kpom (full stop) and he concludes with ‘Osibanjo.’ He beats his chest, draws a deep breath and nods, like an agama lizard, that he has achieved this absurd dream of being Mr Spell. In pidgin we say ofeke go fin work, meaning ‘ofeke go and look for work’. I rest my case.

 

– By Okechukwu Nwafor

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About Don Saint

PR Guru / Author / Promoter / Controversial Writer / Hip Hop Artiste / Actor / Human Rights Activist. The First Nigerian Hip Hop Artiste to obtain a Masters Degree (M.A) in Arts ( Religion & Human Relations). The author of one of the most controversial books in Nigeria; "Emancipation from Masturbation". With over 12 Movies and 3 Musical albums since 2003. Former Events Manager at Silverbird’s Rhythm Fm Awka Station till 2010. For more info. Call : 08033239298, 08056381068.

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